It may not always be listed as a virtue, but for me at least, gratitude certainly feels like one. It requires practice, and intentional effort, and working to make it a regular part of my life changes me for the better.

If you met me 5 years ago, I would seem like a pretty decent guy, and over all I was. However, when you looked at the details, I had a lot of vices that helped me turn in on myself, and against others. If something did not go my way regardless if it was an event being cancelled, or just being delayed 10 minutes from when I expected to go to the store. I was always quick to find someone to blame for this grievance and took time to be grouchy about it.

Then one day I heard an idea from a Podcast, the idea that one key to happiness is consistent gratitude for both big and small things in life. “You can’t be angry and grateful at the same time, nor can you be annoyed, frustrated, or impatient while you are being grateful!” The podcast host continued on with example after example of how it’s impossible to live in all these vices when you are being grateful, and with each sentence, he drug up memories of me living out that vice. Each one an opportunity for gratefulness lost.

That day I started trying to change and it was not easy. I found the first step to being grateful in all situations is to try and remember to be grateful in all situations, which is easier said than done. I would get annoyed that we ran out of oatmeal, and then after I was grouchy for 10 minutes, remember I wanted to be grateful that I had other food to eat, not grouchy that we had no oatmeal. Or I would be frustrated that no one came to my event, and then after venting that frustration on those I cared about, I would remember I wanted to be grateful that I did my best putting the event together, not frustrated that it fell apart.

It was a slow process but day by day I learned this virtue and I remember the first time about 6 months after trying to achieve this virtue that I managed to live it! It was the middle of the night, and someone needed to sit up with my crying newborn (again). Normally this would have lead to me being cranky about having to be up in the middle of the night. But that night was different. That night my mind went to the little things that were great about being up, it went to the things I was grateful for. Things like how grateful I was that I got to hold him, that I was able to function relatively well at that time of night, and that I was skilled enough as a Father that sometimes my efforts to sooth him to sleep were indeed successful! From that moment, I knew if I could be grateful once, I could do it again, and again, and again.

No virtue is easy, nor do I think we are ever completely done growing in any particular virtue. But I am very glad I took the time to grow in gratitude. That I find something to give God thanks for everyday so that I can be more focused on those around me, and what I can give them, rather than focused on what I don’t have or am missing out on.